This is a true story. I have not even changed the names to protect the innocent, because there are no innocents in this story.

On Wednesday, I went to TJ Maxx to buy a basket. I did not find a basket, but I did find a purse, a pair of New Balance sneakers, and a quilt for the bed. You know how that goes.

I have to test out purses. I have to walk around with them over my shoulder for a good ten minutes to see if they're comfortable, if the straps have a tendency to fall down, if the purse looks good on me when I happen to pass by a mirror. I assume everyone does this. If you don't, don't tell me. I'll just feel ridiculous.

Part of my purse testing procedure is to see if it will hold my stuff. Sure the purse looks cute on the rack, and even over my shoulder carrying nothing but wadded up paper, but will it still work when holding my essentials? My wallet. My cell phone. My make-up bag. My sunglasses. My reading glasses. My notebook. My pen. My...well, you get the idea. So while I was waiting in line to pay for my quilt and my sneakers and my purse (no basket, and I came into the store needing a basket), I pulled out some of the paper and put in my wallet and my make-up bag. The purse gaped. I decided not to get the purse. I pulled my stuff out of the purse, bought the goods, and went home.

This is not the end of the story.

The next morning I had to run to the post office, and as is my habit, I put on my lipstick once I'm in the car (don't ask me how I got into this stupid habit, and it is stupid, but I can't seem to break it). I get in the car, put on my seat belt, and scrounge around in my (old) purse for my make-up case. It's not there! In less than a second, I knew where it was.

It was in the purse I didn't buy. The purse at TJ Maxx. The purse with wadded up paper and MY make-up bag. I hoped. What if someone had bought the purse? What if they found my case and gave it to the sales clerk and she threw it out? Should I just give up? Should I consider my make-up bag a total loss?

This was a very easy decision to make. I love that make-up bag. It's cute, the right size, the right price, and I haven't seen another one like it since I bought it. I wanted my make-up bag back. And then there's the make-up. I have five lipsticks in that bag, two liners, a tiny package of dental floss, and nail clippers. The contents total about...$200.

Okay, I'm kidding about that, but it was too much money to just toss out without an effort to get it back. Plus, one of the lipsticks has been discontinued and it's the perfect color for me. You know how that goes, too.

I worked over plans in my mind as I drove to TJ Maxx. Would I ask the clerk if she had my make-up? Would I go directly to the purses and search out my bag? Would I then tell the clerk that I was leaving with my make-up bag (if I found it) so she wouldn't think I was a thief?

This is what happened: I walked in. I saw the purse immediately. I walked over to the purse. My make-up case was inside. I took it out. I put it in my purse. I walked out of the door.

I am still expecting the police to show up at my house. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to convince them that I was only "stealing" back my make-up bag.

Yes, this is my public defense of my actions. If you're reading this, you are now a witness to my innocence. What I said about no innocents in this blog? Forget I said that. I am innocent! I only needed my make-up bag back!

Facing a jury of my (female) peers, I think I'll do okay.

Oh, and while you're out shopping today, go pick up a copy of The Courtesan's Wager. It's cheaper than a lipstick, and harder to misplace. It will even fit in your purse.

I'll be giving away The Courtesan's Daughter, book 1 of the series, and The Courtesan's Secret, book 2 of the series (The Courtesan's Wager is book 3).

http://www.claudiadain.com/